How being a professional Dominatrix gave me sexual liberation

Supported by LELO

Photography courtesy of Leon Rowe – Designed by Leon

It’s 2009. I’m 25 years old and I’m strutting down Tottenham Court Road in my six-inch black thigh-high boots and fur coat. I’m visiting a Mistress who I found online. My head is shaved and my lips are red. I didn’t know at the time that this would become my signature look. I was finally owning my space, strutting in my power as a dominant strong black woman.

My heart is beating with excitement as I knock on her door. It opens and standing there is an older woman, white with blonde hair around 5’6 dressed in a white fitted shirt and a black pencil skirt, well-manicured and elegant. She is warm and welcoming. “Come in my darling,” she says.

I follow her upstairs where we enter a beautiful room, stocked with books that reach the ceiling. Standing there is a white man holding a silver tray with two champagne glasses. “Champagne Mistress?” he asks in a soft and elegant voice. This was my first encounter with a sub.

“I began dominating my clients via webcam”

Speaking with an older woman about sexual liberation and power was both refreshing and educational and 11 years after I met her, I embarked on the journey of being a professional Dominatrix. Back then we didn’t have many platforms for women’s liberation. Women who were empowered sexually were referred to as “sluts” and those who were in tune with their divine feminine powers were “witches”.

These days, companies such as LELO have embraced women’s sexuality; doing a wonderful job of creating safe, non-judgemental spaces for us to explore our sexual desires. One of my favourite posts on LELO’s Instagram reads: “In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act”. I couldn’t agree more.

“Owning my sexuality was frowned upon”

Growing up, I was seen as a rebel for not conforming to social norms. Owning my sexuality was frowned upon. But, thanks to the BDSM world, I began to feel empowered and strong. It gave me the space to explore my sexual power and dominance. I was no longer seen as the “angry black woman” – I was adored as the beautiful black Goddess, complimented on my naturally strong presence and worshipped and served by men.

A girlfriend of mine always reminds me of the time she visited my home where I had my pet (submissive individual) cutting my grass with a pair of scissors. I am served in different ways depending on my needs and requirements at the time, from picking up my dry cleaning, to paying for parking tickets or having a personal driver take me to private parties and bookings.

When I turned 30 I created my female empowerment business, using the transferable skills I learnt as a Dominatrix. I teach women how to own their space, explore their sexuality and ignite their pussy power! Yaaaaaas hunni the power of the pussy! My clients learn how to worship their bodies through sensual touch and affirmations.

“My clients learn how to worship their bodies through sensual touch and affirmations”

There is no shame in touching yourself; you are to be worshipped and pleased, which is why self-masturbation is set as homework. I encourage them to worship their pussy by looking at her in the mirror, speaking beautiful words to her and releasing any trauma they may have and finally self-touching or using toys. It’s both liberating and enjoyable.

During lockdown, I had to be creative with my business. I began dominating my clients via webcam and wanted to introduce this way of playing to my lovers. LELO conducted research that found 50% of 25-34-year-olds connected with their partners through virtual sex during lockdown and, as always, I wanted to spread the word of the great satisfaction I was getting. I created a webcam domination masterclass, teaching women how to play safely, set boundaries and learn the art of body language, tonality and seduction. Not only did my clients feel sexy, they felt empowered. They were able to step into a character and explore their desires in a brand new way.

“Being a good Dominatrix is a skill. Essentially, it is the art of communication.”

I have several characters, each character has a different style and attitude, Madam Storm is never dominated but Erica will allow you to tie her up, in my industry we call this a switch! Last week I submitted to my lover, I allowed him to tie me up with my sexy soft silk red blindfold from LELO. As much as the sound of my whip-cracking turns me on, the placement of a hand around my neck, blindfolded and restrained allows me to release, to submit is also empowering.

I recently swapped my canes and floggers for my new Hula Beads. My lover enjoyed using the remote to control my orgasm and I enjoyed the soft silky feeling of the rotating balls. Unlike other products you may find on the market, LELO’s products are very well designed, I was happily surprised at how easy and comfortable the beads felt and with eight adjustable settings it allowed me to relax into the experience.. The motion of the rotation vibrates your whole body giving you a feeling of pure pleasure and seduction. My pussy was seduced and I felt sexually liberated in my submissive state.

“I encourage you to embark on a journey of self-discovery, to be unapologetic for who you are, explore your kink and desires”

Being a Dominatrix is about owning your space and unleashing your power, it’s about being comfortable with who you are as a strong woman and being in control. Being a good Dominatrix is a skill. Essentially, it is the art of communication. Being able to tap into your client’s/lover’s energy to read them and transmit your feminine divine energy – it’s an exchange of power. Learning how to be a Mistress gives you transferable skills, it teaches you not to be afraid of demanding what you want, it teaches you how to be assertive and not be afraid of using your voice.

I encourage you to embark on a journey of self-discovery, to be unapologetic for who you are, explore your kink and desires, LELO has great resources on their website from informative blog posts to sexy erotic and fetish stories that will help spark your imagination as well as the great toys they have to offer. For those who are new to the kink world, I encourage you to set boundaries, introduce a safe word that allows your lover to know when to stop and be open and honest with your kinks and fetishes. There’s nothing to be ashamed of – it’s your birthright to have great sex and feel empowered doing so!

LELO sent gal-dem some toys to review! If you’re in the market for a new gadget or are just curious about how they stack up, here’s what Charlie, Sophia and Melz had to say about them.