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The UK is now officially a trashfire – RIP democracy

28 Aug 2019

Photography by Julian Calder / Max Pixel / UK in Japan- FCO / Adrian Pingstone

In an unprecedented move, British despot Boris Johnson has suspended parliament as he continues to cling to power to push through the hugely controversial no-deal Brexit. It appears that Britain isn’t just back on its bullshit but that it never came off it.

The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has, the influence that that has, the profile that that has, the international implications that that has; the idea that an unelected head of government can appeal to an unelected head of state to legally undermine parliamentary democracy in order to push through his preferred policy agenda.

The shocking move was approved by the mysterious monarch of Britain, largely believed to be a reptilian cyborg, HRH Queen E(lizard)beth II. Fellow reptilians, such as rent-a-gob (propagandist) Katie Hopkins, have welcomed the coup but the move continues to be unpopular amongst large segments of the population including young people, women, immigrants, the LGBTQ+ community, disabled communities, working class people and carers.

The move follows a series of calamitous policy decisions in the UK which have seen the pound collapse in value as hyperinflation begins to take hold. Economists believe a Freddo will soon cost as much as £500 in a post-Brexit Britain, with Jaffa Cake production expected to move offshore as more and more manufacturers look to relocate to minimise production costs.

British-based freedom fighters are calling for humanitarian aid as a no-deal Brexit is likely to cause a severe shortage in the supply of food and medicine. Prominent leftwing journalists have begun talks of a general strike whilst other rebels have called for French Revolutionary Maximilien Robespierre to be awoken and to “wheel out the guillotine”.

Still, centrist Remain campaigners have urged dialogue between both sides, and encourage citizens to write letters to their now-defunct MPs to let their voices be heard within the confines of a broken political system. Some radical centrists have even gone as far as to petition parliament to “kindly stop”, with one petition accruing over 10 trillion signatures. RIP democracy, we had a good run.

But in all seriousness, this is an unelected prime minister, with absolutely no moral compass, contacting another non-elected official to grant permission to exclude our elected representatives from one of the most important decisions of this century. If that doesn’t make you feel like we’re sleepwalking into hell then what will?