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Written in the stars: what role should astrology play in our dating lives?

gal-dem’s resident astrologer Marissa Malik shares their thoughts.

25 Mar 2022

In partnership with Tinder.

One of the best things about astrology is the multitude of ways we can use it. It’s a tool and language that has the ability to intermingle with everything we do. We can astrologically analyse the details of our lives by looking at our individual birth charts and reading daily horoscope forecasts, as well as zoom out to evaluate generational trends and patterns through planetary movement. The options are endless and so, of course, it’s no surprise that astrology-lovers seek clarity from the stars when it comes to the (often overwhelming) world of dating in 2022. After all, who doesn’t want to protect their heart and energy when the stakes of the time we live in feel so high? 

 “Not all Scorpios are toxic and, yes, some Geminis love commitment.”

Let’s not be myopic here. These past two years on planet earth have brought us isolating lockdowns and immense societal uncertainty; compelling even the most solitude-loving souls to look for some type of solid footing in their quest for love. Now, the question becomes: how do we use astrology to help us find the love and romance we desire? 

There are a few cute and quick nods towards compatibility that one can look out for. A connection with someone whose sun sign is the same as your rising sign (and vice versa) can be characterised by an ability to understand each other’s demeanour. Also, seeking out a person whose sun sign is opposite yours can be electric. Opposing sun signs always have something exciting to offer each other because of how different their perspectives on life are – the disagreements can lead to sexy and generative clashes. For my more intermediate astrology-users: scoping out the ruler of someone’s fifth and seventh houses can often indicate a lot about love and passion in their chart, too. 

While I believe that astrology is always relevant to the connections we make, we shouldn’t use it in a shallow weeding-out process to write someone off from being a future boo! If everything in your intuition is telling you to Match with someone and what stops you is their star sign – think again. Not all Scorpios are toxic and, yes, some Geminis love commitment. The astro expectations and assumptions we make about one another are fine to keep in the back of your head, but none of them are written in stone. People’s sun signs are but a single facet of their natal chart, which is composed of so many mitigating factors in the form of asteroids, nodes and all of the other planets. In addition to this, there’s no way to know how someone’s lived experience activates different areas of their natal chart and shows up in their personality until you get to know them. 

“I recommend that all of my astrology fans out there looking for love hold out a while before getting astrology too tangled up in their romantic business”

This is why I recommend that all of my astrology fans out there looking for love hold out a while before getting astrology too tangled up in their romantic business, and don’t make decisions based on the stereotypes of a sign! Try to release control and wait until there’s a connection to explore your (mis)conceptions. Rather than using the ancient language of astrology as a tool to brace yourself for the impact of a potential heartbreak or to control a narrative, give people the benefit of the doubt. Ease into things and let people prove you wrong. Perhaps this Leo could help repair your relationship to Leo energy that was tarnished by a salty ex? The real tea is that sign you’re afraid to date may just hold an important lesson.

Let’s also take a moment to unpack what we mean when we use the word ‘compatibility’, too. To be compatible is about having a solid framework for a positive, joyous coexistence. Even more importantly, it’s ultimately a term you’re allowed to define for yourself. Forget the ‘opposites attract’ trope or the notion of someone ‘completing’ you. While there are some traditional pillars of compatibility we can all get on board with – honest communication, feeling safe and secure in your dynamic, mutual respect – what you’re looking for in someone else remains unique to you. There’s no right or wrong! If you know you want to be a whole bride one day, maybe it’s best not to go for that person who has directly said they aren’t looking for anything serious.

“To be compatible is about having a solid framework for a positive, joyous coexistence.”

Regardless of how many quirky commonalities you have with someone and world views you share, your needs and priorities factor in as well. This is your cue to utilise the Explore function on Tinder where you can make sure you’re Matching with folks who are seeking the same things with their fortune and fate in love. Basically, stop looking at their birth chart and start looking at your own needs and boundaries, babe. Clock the strengths and weaknesses of your Mercury sign to see how you can work towards better articulating what you want out of a dynamic Open your heart through lunar work. Keep in mind that new moons are great for setting intentions around what you want the future to hold and full moons are manifesting moments (minus eclipses!) If love is the focus of your thoughts at the moment, journal around these lunations and use magic to be conscientious on your search for sultry seduction and/or your forever person.