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#SELFCARESUNDAYS: how to get over the breakdown of a casual relationship

22 Oct 2017

Do you know that feeling when you get parred off? A breakdown of a casual relationship is a sudden shock to the system. You were just starting your next Netflix series together, had a great Nando’s and have spent the third consecutive weekend in bed together. Suddenly the “it’s not the deep” text comes through out of the blue. You’re stuck thinking what did I do wrong? Did I come on too strong? And then the anger floods in.  

Nobody likes to talk about when causal relationships go wrong. It’s the part of the conversation we hastily skip over when someone mentions “where is (inserts last fuck-person’s name here) gone?” The problem is relationships are the untold aspiration that society will forever hold as a standard. If you aren’t in one then surely there is something wrong with you? Right…

“There are some people out there who are happy to string you along and dump you when your situationship is no longer convenient for them”

Usually, when you start dating someone – unless the guidelines are drawn at the get-go, there is an expectancy of it to head somewhere. However, the capabilities of people being honest about their feelings isn’t always a certainty. There are some people out there who are happy to string you along and dump you when your situationship is no longer convenient for them. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I’m not telling you it won’t happen again. But, there are a few things you can do to make yourself feel better and avoid the few months lul of “I hate love” that is soon to follow:

Cut all ties

I can honestly say this is a hard one. Unfollowing someone on Instagram is kind of like a virtual slap in the face. However, it is a necessity. The likelihood of you being friends is at zero right now and there is no use in tormenting yourself watching their stories and seeing what they are doing without you. Don’t play the sadistic game of Russian Roulette with your feelings on the chance they might end up on your timeline and send you into an emotional dip. Out of sight is out of mind in this case.

Validate your feelings

So most of the time “it’s not that deep” really was that deep. You weren’t making up the way you felt and this person probably told you everything you wanted to hear. Knowing that your feelings were valid is the first step towards healing. Note: don’t seek that validation from the person you were seeing. They don’t want to feel like a bad person and will usually stick to their side of the story.

Don’t be their backup plan

STOP MESSAGING THEM. I cannot say this enough. This person will keep you around for as long as they can. You are their “just in case”. Do not allow yourself to be anybody’s backup plan for when they are suddenly feeling a bit lonely.

Take some time for you

This doesn’t mean you need to stop dating full stop. But, taking some time for you might be the best way to assess your feelings. Replacing this person with another isn’t going to make the initial feelings any better – besides – aren’t you potentially just doing what they did to you?

See the signs

Now, be honest with yourself because sometimes there are signs this relationship was going downhill. Did they happily talk about their ex (in a way that you knew they weren’t over them?). Did you ever feel like you seeing each other was a secret? Was your time together fundamentally based on having sex? These aren’t all bad things but they are signs that their level of commitment isn’t 100 per cent. After realising these things you can make a decision as to whether or not this is something you can continue with.

Share your feelings with friends

There is nothing worse than going through a breakup alone. It might be embarrassing at first but speak to your friends. Talking through this with people who know you can give you the honest outlook you need. Or if anything else it’s the best way to vent as opposed to sending indirects on twitter.